I'm gonna have a badass scar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
