If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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