At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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