Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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