# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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