threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
