Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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