Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
