now i know why i became what i already was.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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