This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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