So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
