He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
