I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
