VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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