You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
