fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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