At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
