How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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