i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
