Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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