Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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