how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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