I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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