so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
