No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
