im about as happy as oj after his trial
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize