This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
