Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
