I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
