all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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