I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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