Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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