So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
