Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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