Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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