I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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