i don't like sucking hair
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize