Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
