I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
