rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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