If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
These tits shall not be calmed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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