does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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