we have officially lost it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
