Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
