hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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