oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
third nipple confirmed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize