Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
