Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
one might say we're banned from that church
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
