i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
