Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
