She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
