I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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