brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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