I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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