im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
