I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sarcasm needs its own font
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
