well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
