clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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