If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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