i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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