do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
