I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
