Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
