I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
