Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
