toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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