I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
