i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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