There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
