I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
