I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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