oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
be right there i have to get my cape
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
