Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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