we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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