I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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