Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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