He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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