whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
