Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
