he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
