Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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