check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
