im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize