just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
