I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
