She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
