Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize