ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
