It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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