forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
