9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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