East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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