She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
