he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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