ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
