Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
