he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
