Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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