we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
