please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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