all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
