This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
