she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just puked most of my soul out..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
