If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Alive.
So much puke
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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