What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
