This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
