i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
