i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
