if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
