those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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