best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
