So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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